Vote for Ted

Mr. Blackwell (some of you may remember his name from the Ohio voting fiasco) is running for govenor. He is a god fearing republican ( at least he is this election) who is greatly concerned about upholding god's wishes. Mr. Blackwell is promising to work hard to protect that sacred marriage union. Oh, except he won't be protecting mine because mine is not in any danger. Unless you count the danger of one more family neglecting fishing trip, and I know he's not promising to put an end to perch season so he really can do nothing for my marriage. Oh, and there are some marriages that he won't protect, either. Only certain people are guaranteed his protection. I'm not exactly sure how you qualify, there's so much confusing criteria, but anyway, if you are one of those people, he will work very hard to protect you. He is so concerned about this that he is ignoring all the other lesser issues, little things like Cleveland being the poorest big city in the nation.
Recently, to show how big hearted and forgiving he is, he mentioned that he will also protect another one of my rights- the right to not believe in god. That darling little man is giving me permission to not believe in god. He is so thoughtful. Do you want to know his reason? His reason for protecting me is because everyone has the right to be wrong! I have the right to be wrong and not believe in god because of course it is wrong to not believe in god. But that is my right. And we all have this right.
Allright, just to make sure everyone is on the same page:
Right to be wrong, check
Right to be married, no
Right to have your marriage proteced if you meet today's criteria: check.
Thank you Mr Blackwell, you have secured my vote.